Retour à l’écriture

Je me suis souvent demandé si le sentiment d’avoir de moins en moins de temps à disposition était un effet de l’âge. On n’a plus la même énergie à disposition; il devient difficile de maintenir l’hyperactivité que notre époque semble attendre de chacun dans la profession comme dans les loisirs.

Parvenu enfin au terme de mes obligations professionnelles, je me suis réjoui de retrouver du temps tout neuf, du vrai loisir, sans autres obligations que celles que je me donnerais. Après avoir vu au fil des dernières années s’amenuiser les moments que je pouvais consacrer à l’écriture, je me suis dit que j’allais enfin pouvoir m’y mettre sinon à plein temps, du moins plusieurs heures par jour et tous les jours.

C’était sans compter l’apparition de demandes nouvelles. Surtout, j’oubliais tout ce que je m’étais proposé d’entreprendre quand j’aurais ma retraite : des balades, des voyages, des lectures, des rénovations à la maison; je voulais me remettre à la cuisine, retourner au cinéma, revoir des gens, faire de la musique, apprendre enfin à dessiner, purger ma bibliothèque de tout ce qu’elle contient de livres devenus inutiles, changer la disposition de mon bureau, et j’en oublie. Bien entendu, quand je me mets à une séance d’écriture, tous ces autres projets se mettent à briller de mille feux et deviennent plus désirables que ce bête travail solitaire devant la feuille ou l’écran.

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Il n’y a pas d’autre solution que de décréter sans pitié que l’écriture sera la priorité, qu’elle aura sa place tous les jours, et de s’y mettre avant de passer aux autres choses. Pas parce que je produirai à coup sûr des textes intéressants, mais parce que c’est ma décision et que c’est ainsi que ça marche. Même si je ne commence plus mes journées à cinq heures du matin.

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